For some people, the thrill of the negotiation is akin to the thrill the rest of us receive on a giant roller coaster. When asked why they majored in business, droves of successful businessmen routinely answer, “to negotiate.” The key, of course, to successful negotiating is knowing when you have your opponent on the ropes. Being able to tell if someone is lying is important if you are a judge, a poker player or a Fortune 500 Company CEO. Let’s take a look at some aspects of lying that can give you the upper hand at the negotiating table.
There are two types of business negotiations, casual and intense. A good negotiator knows how to look for tells in both kinds of negotiations, and there are quite a few things that show up no matter what. The first, and the most clichéd, is a nervous tick of some sort that the opponent doesn’t even realize he or she is doing. It could be taking a drink of water, touching their ear, a funny sounding laugh, anything. It is your job to look for patterns to find behaviors that the person across from you is doing over and over again.
Another revealing point that many people have is using extreme sarcasm when asked a question. Instead of simply saying no, or telling you that their company wouldn’t possibly do that, their voice raises several octaves and they feign surprise or use exaggerated body language. If you listen closely when this happens, they seldom deny the accusation you just made. They instead choose to make light of it. This is a common tell that most people don’t even realize they are making.
Sudden changes in posture or facial expressions are often common aspects of lying. If the person on the other side of the table tells you something than suddenly crosses their arms and sits back while dramatically exhaling, it could simply mean that they are tired and in need of a break, but if this behavior happens several times during a single negotiation, it could be a sign that he or she is lying.
Probably the most reliable sign that someone is lying is a sudden increase in anger or defensiveness. It is the most common physical manifestation of lying since it is natural for the liar to try to deflect or project their insecurities on to the person that they are speaking with. If you notice a sudden outburst or a sudden accusation lobbed at you for no apparent reason, that’s a good sign that they are lying. If a negotiation does this on a regular basis, it is safe to assume they aren’t very good at their jobs.
Finally, if you feel like you’ve gotten into a negotiation with a seasoned pro, you might have to look for tiny tells like blinking or the amount of perspiration the other person is doing. A good negotiator knows their own signs and learns to cover them up. Ask any frequent poker player - a tell can ruin your hand or your negotiation in a heartbeat.
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October 7th, 2008 at 12:35 am
Great post, thank you. I would also add one more telling sign of a deception: a vogue answer to a straightforward question. For example, “What is your on-time delivery rate?” - “Oh, we have very hight rates. We like to keep our customers happy.”
February 18th, 2009 at 7:38 pm
i learned this from my dad…when you ask someone a question and they say “huh” or “what” and clearly they heard you, they are thinking of a lie while you are re-asking
February 19th, 2009 at 5:59 pm
Jennifer, this is a tried and true method… A lot of times I have to deal with people that start with “uhh” and I just stop it there. Don’t waste my time. Also, I’ve found that a lot of people will look up into the sky as if the answer they are looking for will fall out of the sky.
February 19th, 2009 at 6:31 pm
when ever a guy scratches there nuts they are usually lying and rude
February 19th, 2009 at 8:35 pm
Yes Doug that is also a way to tell if a man is lying. Women take note.
March 20th, 2009 at 11:04 am
I don’t see any spelling issues although I may be spellcheck blind.
April 8th, 2009 at 12:16 am
This is all really intereating and usefull. i work with many people who on a daily basis lie about something that i have confronted them with.
April 9th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
FANTASTIC!
April 21st, 2009 at 3:24 am
“i learned this from my dad…when you ask someone a question and they say “huh” or “what” and clearly they heard you, they are thinking of a lie while you are re-asking”
This is defiantly not accurate in all cases. Some people have a slower thought process, or have an overactive mind that causes them to think way too much, therefor the question that is asked may not have “clicked” right away.
I have that problem, where I clearly heard what was asked, but my brain just didn’t process all the info, or glitched to where I had to ask again to make sure I heard everything correctly. This way my answer would end up somewhat relevant to the question that was asked, which relieves a lot of anxiety for people who are very critical of themselves and are afraid of looking like an inattentive fool.
May 1st, 2009 at 3:49 pm
Glad you liked it!!
May 1st, 2009 at 5:10 pm
Well said mucejuice…. I take pride in the fact that im not a straight up liar like a lot of people, but sometimes it takes a little bit longer for things to click in my head as well.
May 6th, 2009 at 6:21 am
Hi this is all well and good. but i know when i’m being questioned about things and am telling the truth i get really nervous and do stupid things (not sure what i do but i talk slow and my heart races and my mouth gets dry and i swallow alot and i always have a hard time keeping my eyes in one spot) . are these symptoms possible to have when telling the truth? or are they almost definitely lying?
May 7th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
Yes those symptoms are possible to have when you are telling the truth. Everyone is different, and some people get nervous when speaking publicly in any situation. There are exceptions to the rule, but for the most part, a lot of what was mentioned is pretty straight forward and true. At least enough to form a base opinion off of. It varies from individual to individual, but I think that these are some good guidelines to establish a base, then you can factor the persons personality into the equation.
June 27th, 2009 at 2:05 pm
As the veteran of hundreds of job interviews, and 46 jobs offers, I can tell you for certain that the shifting in position , the leaning back in their chair, the big ‘pause’ in conversation when you ask the boss a direct question about the job, generally means they are lying. Save yourself a lot of time.
July 22nd, 2009 at 3:46 am
To Mucejuice,
I do somewhat agree with what you said being that i do it myself, however i think that more times than not it CAN be very relevant to take this as a “stall” to think of a lie. I do this but in almost all of the cases in which i say “what” or “huh” i heard what they said my mind was just thinking of something else so i naturally ask what even though i know what they said. While they’re asking the question the second time I’ve already come up to the answer to it. I know that my ramblings may be a little confusing, I’m just trying to say in a nut shell, (for me at least) when i say “what” or “huh” after asked a question it’s a reaction, instead of not actually hearing there question.
July 22nd, 2009 at 5:05 pm
Right? I don’t think that is necessarily a give… I know that I have myspace, facebook, my blog, twitter, pandora, digg and reddit open at anytime in my browser…..
I think it is a reflection of my mind, I am always thinking a million miles a minute. I always say “huh?” or “what?”